Often when I start to focus on something, that something begins to appear in front of me more often, surprising me with synchronicities. Of course, those things were there to begin with, they just slipped by me unnoticed.
I worried a bit when I decided my focus word for the year was going to be fear that I might be conjuring things I didn't want to conjure. Is my life going to become more frightening this year? I certainly hope not, and I don't think it will.
What has happened is that I'm starting to see and hear more about fear in general. I anticipate this increased awareness will continue to happen, and I'll share it with you when it does.
Today I drove from Valdez to Anchorage as the first step on my journey to Bahrain. Many things about that sentence might inspire fear in some: driving 300 miles across Alaska in the dead of winter with temperatures dipping to -23F, traveling to the Middle East at a time when all we hear about is hate towards Americans and women, and, to top it off, doing these things as a woman alone. None of these inspire fear in me. I'm used to traveling alone. I've lived all my life in Alaska and the highways were great. And, while I can't say I have no nerves about Bahrain, I trust the friend I'm visiting when she says it's safe.
What made me think about fear today was a podcast I listened to while barreling across the frozen tundra. The Women on Adventures podcast covers a wide variety of topics of interest to adventurous women. The November 5, 2018, episode included some nattering between the hosts, Kai Gillespie and Jenny Zink, and then a great conversation about FOMO. I confess, the acronym FOMO is what prompted me to listen to this particular episode; I had no idea what it meant. After Kai and Jenny decrypted it as Fear of Missing Out, I realized I had heard of it before.
Their conversation centered around how FOMO drives many of our interactions with and attitudes toward social media, as well as how we feel about ourselves when using social media. What we so often present of ourselves on Facebook, Instagram, etc. is just the high points, the events that make us look happy or successful or at least holding it together. We don't tend to share those instances when we're sad, depressed, or in need of support. As a result, it's not uncommon to hear that people feel bad about themselves because their lives clearly aren't as great as everyone else's. It doesn't seem obvious to us that no one's life can be all roses and rainbows.
All of this drives the question of why we choose to post what we do. Are we trying to seem perfect, or are we just trying to shelter others from our difficult times? Many might say that our crying jags are no one else's business, but by that reasoning, neither are our personal triumphs.
Women on Adventures host Jenny questioned whether she chooses to share photos and anecdotes from her adventures simply to elicit FOMO from others. Does she want to be the one everyone else wants to be? She answered her own question by saying that when she shares a photo of herself on top of a mountain, exhausted but exhilarated, she's trying to say, "Look at me. Look at what I did. I did this thing and it was a really hard thing, but I did it, and if I did it, I know you can, too."
As I was listening to the podcast, I noticed myself nodding in agreement as Jenny spoke. Okay, if I'm perfectly honest I want to inspire a bit of FOMO, a bit of "wow, look at what she's doing - that's so cool!" But mostly what I want others, particularly women, to do is see the amazing things I'm doing (because often they really are amazing, in my humble opinion) and say to themselves, "Wow, that's cool! But look at her: if she can do that so can I!"
Let's face it, I am not the usual face of an active, adventurous woman. I'm 51 years old, overweight, and I complain often about how much my hips ache. No one who didn't know me would take a look and say, "Now there's a woman who climbs mountains." But I am, and I'm very proud of it. I'm likewise confident that the only thing holding most other women back from doing the same, or from following their own adventures, is fear.
It's time to get over it! It's time to take steps - baby steps or great moon-gravity leaps - toward being the brave, adventurous woman (or man or whatever) you want to be. Don't be the one experiencing FOMO, be the one inspiring it. I know you can, but if you'd like a little help, let me know. I'll be happy to give you a boost in the right direction.
Now go. Do.
