I am counting today as my first day of "gainful unemployment." I made up that phrase because I'm too young to retire, I am no longer working a regular job, and I have no intention of sitting around doing nothing of utility, whether to me or others. So, I am not retired, I am gainfully unemployed.
Technically, my last day of work was December 19, 2017, but since we immediately went to Hawaii for Rowan's winter break, it didn't set in that I was no longer working - I was just on vacation. Today, however....
We got back from Hawaii yesterday (imaging extreme sad face; I was in no way ready to come home) and Rowan went back to school this morning. Normally, I'd have gone back to work, too, but since I didn't, today really feels like my first day of gainful unemployment.
As much as I've been waiting, nay begging, for this day for the past few years, I'm feeling a bit unmoored. I'm not quite sure what to do with myself. Oh, I have a long list of things I've been telling people I'm planning to do: make more art, start writing again (I'm off to a flying start with this blog post), teaching for the college, doing environmental contract work that comes my way, adventure guiding, keeping a cleaner house (probably not), etc., etc. All of these items are ones I'll tackle (except that house cleaning nonsense), but they're big, vague propositions. I feel a bit like I'm grasping at air as I contemplate where to start.
This only being January 4, I suppose it's not too late to make a New Year's resolution or six, but I've repeatedly declared that I don't do those, and I don't think I'll start now. I can't handle the pressure, and one thing I've definitely noticed as I've mentally prepared for this new life phase is that I'm having a really hard time committing to anything. I will do my best to take it easy on myself for while. I have to work on getting my on-line biology class up and running within the next two weeks, but everything else can take its time and percolate. I'll figure out a new schedule soon, and I'm confident I'll be my usual productive, active, competent self before long. Until then, I'll relax and remember how wonderful it was to explore Kiholo Bay with my family and two dozen sea turtles.
