It never ceases to amaze me the ways in which I can contrive to crush my own spirit. I'm sure I've written about this before, so forgive me if I'm being redundant.
There's been a lot of press over the years about how we need to ensure our children's self-esteem is kept high, how the little things we say to other people inadvertently tear them down, how, essentially, we're all responsible for creating a kinder, gentler world. Within reason, I totally agree with these sentiments. Who doesn't want to live in a world in which we all treat each other with respect and care?
What about how we treat ourselves, though?
I regularly read several blogs written by, for, and about writers, as well as belong to a couple of Facebook groups of glass artists. I have a whole library of books about living a creative life. One of the messages that's reiterated time and again by virtually every author or artist is how critical it is for an artist to be kind to herself.
We are our own worst critics. Every single one of us has that little voice in her head that says, "You're not good enough." If you tell me you don't, I'll likely call you a liar. Or be very jealous of you.
That voice in my head screams loud and clear. I have no trouble at all comparing myself to nearly everyone else and coming up the lesser. My art isn't as artistic, my writing isn't as wonderful, or at the very least, I'm not committed enough to my art to spend time on it so that I keep improving. My rational brain usually tells me to shut up, and reminds me, for example, that as much as I love photorealistic art, that's not what I like to create and therefore it is not my forte. I can usually validate who I am right now in my life, even if it sometimes feels like making excuses, not describing solid reasons.
And then there are those times I let something outside me, something totally trivial, derail my ego. For the past couple of weeks or so, it's been these 5-day art challenges that are running around Facebook. The idea is that an artist gets challenged by another artist to share three pieces of their artwork each day for five days, and on each day nominate another artist to do the same. The amount of artwork being shared should expand exponentially (to use the word metaphorically, not in its literal mathematic sense).
What's wrong with this? Nothing, except...
No one has nominated me (whine, snivel).
In my ridiculous little brain, I have translated this lack of nomination to mean that I'm not an artist, at least not in the world of those I associate with on Facebook. It's not that I haven't previously shared enough of my work in those groups to remind them that I exist. Of course not. It's clearly a personal comment on my so-called artwork and my creative abilities. I might as well just give up now and start gardening or cleaning my toilets or something.
Holy crap. How is it possible that voice in my head can be so loud and overpowering? My rational brain is allowing me to sit here and type this post about how stupid that voice is, but still...still it's here with me undermining my confidence.
And as soon as I hit publish on this post, any future nomination will be undone. I'll know that the nomination had nothing to do with my worth as an artist, but was instead motivated by pity after someone read this post.
(That little voice just said, "Yeah, right. Like anyone's actually going to read this drivel." See how insidious it is?)
As always, I didn't write this to engender your sympathy or to solicit compliments. My rational brain reminds me regularly how many of you tell me you like what I write and what I create (thank you, thank you!), and that I only need to accept those compliments in the spirit in which they were given to believe in myself. Heck, I don't even need to do that. It's enough that I like what I create, that it makes me happy - that's all the validation I need.
And in that spirit, here's a few random things I've made that make me smile. I do hope, you like them, too, but I don't need you to.
