"Do you ever feel like no matter what you do, you're never enough?" I asked Thane yesterday afternoon.
"Only when I'm awake," he replied.
Oh. I guess I'm not alone.
I knew I wasn't, of course. Is there anyone among us who doesn't have feelings of inadequacy occasionally, if not often? How about always?
Realistically, I do have my moments of feeling competent and on top of life, but once in a while I meet someone who leaves me doubting my purpose in life.
Sometimes that person is (or at least seems) smarter or more experienced in my work realm. I'm particularly susceptible to having older men make me feel like a green incompetent, however untrue that may be. Other times I meet people who leave me feeling like a writing hack, or an incompetent parent. This latest bout of inadequacy was totally trivial, however.
I have to admit I sometimes feel a bit smug about the trips I've undertaken in the past few years, especially the portions in which I've spent days alone in foreign countries. I'm proud that I've had the courage to travel and to travel alone, and I hope that someday I might inspire another woman to do the same.
But then there are those people who put me in my place.
I had the opportunity this week to develop a couple of new friendships. These two women have traveled the world. We had a fabulous conversation in which they dropped lots of "when I was in Africa," "the last time we were in Brazil," and so on. Of course, I responded with anecdotes that referenced my trips to Bhutan and Peru in recent years.
But I only had those two trips to reference. That makes me pout even as I type it. Oh, sometimes I'll pull something out of my memory from a trip to Japan over 20 years ago, but that doesn't hardly count anymore. As a world traveler, I have been totally inadequate.
Clearly, the solution is for me to travel more. I see no problem with that, do you?
At least it's a simpler inadequacy to resolve than feeling unprofessional, non-creative, and incompetent as a parent. Those issues - not so easy to address.
