It doesn't seem quite possible that I'm closer to 50 than 40. I'm pretty sure I should still be in my early 30s. I know, I know - quit whining. We all have the same lament as we age.
Nonetheless, it's my birthday, and it seems like a good time to take stock and see where I'm at in life. I've never been one to set one-month goals, let alone 5 or 10-year goals. I don't even bother with New Year's resolutions. So taking stock today begs the question of what I'm measuring myself against.
It's always tempting to measure myself against the people I admire, whether or not I actually know them. Just yesterday, I had a friend tell me about a dream in which she and I were supposed to be doing a group hike or something together. She couldn't find me, and got very angry because she thought I'd left her. Upon reflection, she thought the dream had roots in her desire to join me in active pursuits, but feeling unable because she wasn't in good enough shape. My response was that it's always tempting to compare yourself to others and want to start at the level they're at, but it's pointless. We all start at different places. On my recent trip to Peru, I was thrilled with my physical performance while hiking at high altitude, but I couldn't help comparing myself to the women who were always way ahead at the front of the group. You know, the ones who are thin and runners in their real lives. A pointless comparison. Equally pointless is comparing myself to artists or writers who have spent decades perfecting their crafts when I'm a relative beginner.
I've commented to my dear hubby several times recently that I wish I'd had my current athletic ambition 20 years ago. Just imagine what I could do now if I had 20 years of training behind me! I remind myself, usually gently, that I'm so much further ahead now than I was at any point in the past. Never before have I spent as much time on active pursuits, and I've never felt better. I'm not the thinnest I've ever been, but I'm the fittest, and I think that's what counts.
I think perhaps the key to measuring up to where you think you should be is forcing yourself to remember where you started and then focusing on improvement. Are you in a better place today than you were last year? Five years ago? Last month? If you can see improvement, even if it's just a tiny bit, in an area of your life that you'd like to improve in, then you're a success.
Of course, there's all that crap about being happy in the moment, letting go of expectations, etc., etc., but that's for another day. Or perhaps for when I'm a better person. Today, I'm pretty happy with who I am and the direction I'm going in life, so I'll tell me happy birthday, and give myself best wishes for a wonderful year.
Preferably one that gives me more moments like this:
