A week or so ago, Rowan and I went skiing together. It was our first time out this season, so we didn't go very far. I was pleased that this year, finally, she was able to keep up with me, at least for the distance that we went. She still doesn't have the endurance, or the will, to keep moving for as long as I'd like, but we're getting there.
In addition to having fun and getting some much-needed exercise, the day got me to thinking about being friends with my daughter. Don't get me wrong; I'm not talking about in the "I'm your friend, not your disciplinarian" sense, but just in the "I like to hang out with my kid" way. With the exception of occasional obstinate moments, I've always enjoyed Rowan's company. She's always been interested in intelligent things, and so has been good company in that regard. Now that she's getting old enough to keep up with me, I anticipate the possibility of some really good adventures together.
The problem is, she's ten. She's already starting the pre-teen hormonal thing. I'm not quite dumb as a rock yet, but I'm sure I will be before too long. She's chafing against limits and really, really wants to control her own existence. I'm wracking my brains to figure out how to keep her as a friend given that I'm not going to cede all control over her.
I realize that teens need to rebel and distance themselves from their parents in order to develop the independence they need to survive. (National Geographic magazine did a great article on teenage brains in October. I highly recommend you read it.) And, yes, I know that whatever stages she goes through as a teen, she'll eventually grow out of. It took years, but I now consider my mom and my mother-in-law to be my good friends and I enjoy spending time in their company. My concern is with the next several years.
What can I do to ensure that Rowan continues to enjoy spending time with me? I intend to keep planning fun things for us to do together, especially trips that she can't do without me - mutually acceptable time together. I'll try to give her as many opportunities as I can stand to make decisions for herself. I do my best, and will continue to, to try to hear and respect her opinions. But what else? She still likes me, as of today, so I want to get started on the right track now rather than have to correct course in a few years (or less). I'm looking for ideas here, so speak up and let me know. Thanks!
