This week I have been reading Grace Eventually - Thoughts on Faith by Anne Lamott. It is a wonderful book of essays drawn from a variety of aspects of the author's life that have taught her about her faith. While many of her observations have resonated with me, one in particular made me stop, reread and nod my head in agreement. In her essay "A Field Theory of Beauty" she said, "I'm very glad to claim the crone who is coming to life within me; I just don't want her to screech so loudly that she silences the little girl who is still around, drowns out the naughty teenager, or mutes the flirtatious middle-aged woman."
What a wonderful idea! I love the thought that captured forever within each of us is the people we have been at different stages of our lives. Somewhere within me is the little girl who loved to play with dolls, making up different voices for each one as she acted out their stories. At a level I find more easy to dredge up is the painfully shy preteen who blushed at the slightest provocation. Even closer t0 the surface is my teen self, the one who developed the confidence to interact with others, even to flirt with boys.
Even as an adult I can see that the metamorphosis is ongoing. I grow ever more confident in my own self-worth, less willing to bend to the whims of others or to care so much about their opinions. I wrote a quote on my sketchbook a couple of years ago: What other people think of me is none of my business! I still hold that to be true, even though I have to remind myself of it now and then.
While I do not look forward to aging and the inevitable, eventual breakdown of mind and body, it is better than the alternative. I am curious, however, to see what the future has in store for me, what additional changes will arrive during my metamorphosis.
It is unfortunate that western popular culture has such attached such negative connotations to the word "crone." Wikipedia's definition includes "an old woman who is usually disagreeable, malicious, or sinister in manner," an image drawn directly from Aesop and Grimm. Why not adopt a different view of older women, those who are past their childbearing years and who have gained wisdom and knowledge from their many and varied experiences? The mission statement for the magazine whose cover I attached above says, "Crone: Women Coming of Age explores the gifts and concerns of women who seek to fully embrace Earth’s cycles of life and death and transformation. We honor the wisdom of long experience and the compassion an open heart." Gifts, experience, compassion: are these not much better words to associate with our old age than disagreeable, malicious and sinister?
Who will I become? Who knows! I do know, however, that the possibilities are endless and limited only by my own imagination and courage. I promise myself now to become the best crone I can, to always take the adventurous path, and to never stop playing like a little girl.
