I remember it so well. The surge of adrenaline that doesn't fade until after you collapse into bed. The excitement that spikes and spikes again higher. The pure joy of being surrounded by friends who all share your passion, and who, just for a night or two, are all riding the same high you are. You're all manic and silly and loud and alive!
I feel the rush again as I watch my daughter ride the same wave. There's nothing that beats the thrill of being a part of live theater. I do miss it sometimes, even after over 20 years away from it all.
I miss the excitement, I miss the camaraderie of a tight-knit group of friends, but I think, most of all, I miss the passion. I miss having an all-consuming love of something, just one thing I'm willing to stay up late for or forgo other opportunities for or even, heaven forbid, set aside a good book for. One thing I know I'm good at and enjoy doing. I miss having a passion.
I'm envious of those who do have a passion in their life. The woman who spends hours at her desk pouring her soul out on paper. The man who goes everywhere daubed with color, the forgotten paintbrush still tucked behind his ear. The quilter, the watercolorist, the art journalist, the glassworker....
I have lots of hobbies; I think I've quite possibly tried my hand at more creative endeavors than anyone I know. I love learning new things, figuring out new techniques, buying all the right tools and books, playing and exploring. But it seems that as soon as I get the idea, as soon as I can make something presentable, I'm done. I'm ready to move onto something new. I seem happy to be a Jack of all trades and master of none.
I'm not quite sure how to change this, if I even should. I hate to think that I'd ever lose my curiousity, my desire to keep learning. But I often do wish I could find that one thing I just can't live without doing.
What about you? Do you have a passion? If so, what is it? Was it always a passion, or was it something you jus happened upon? If you don't, do you want one?